There’s a look I’ve seen often — that pause after I introduce a new task.
Not resistance. Not laziness.
Just a subtle pause.
Sometimes it’s a look of “Are you sure I can do this?”
Other times it’s a confident “Yep!” — followed by an outcome that quietly says… maybe not.
It took me years (and a few humbling leadership stumbles) to realize that behind every reaction to a task is a quiet dance between confidence and competence. And here’s the kicker: that dance plays out not just in others, but in ourselves too.
We lead people.
We assign things.
We expect initiative.
And sometimes, we walk away from a task handover feeling like: Why didn’t that land the way I thought it would?
When you zoom out, it’s often not about the task. It’s about how people see themselves in relation to it.
Confidence and competence are two different muscles. Some have both. Some have one. Some have neither — yet.
Ken Blanchard’s Situational Leadership Theory offers a timeless truth: effective leaders don’t lead the same way all the time — they adjust based on who they’re leading and what the task demands. Depending on a person’s readiness and skill, we’re called to direct, coach, support, or delegate.
That model has been a compass in my own leadership journey — but over the years, I found myself craving something even more grounded in the lived reality of schools. I started collecting observations — scribbled on post-its during meetings, noted in margins of agendas, shared over hallway check-ins. Real stories. Real reactions.
Over time, a pattern began to emerge. From those small but telling moments, I developed what I now call my Confidence–Competence Lens — a tool that builds on Blanchard’s work, but reflects the heartbeat of real school life. It’s the tool I turn to when deciding not just what needs doing, but how to support the person doing it.
Because leadership isn’t just about assigning tasks — it’s about noticing how people meet them, and knowing what to do next. Here’s how I use the lens to guide both leadership decisions and support strategies:
| Competence & Confidence Lens in Action | High Confidence | Low Confidence |
| High Competence | Empower & Trust ✓ Let them lead key initiatives or mentor others. ✓ Give stretch goals that build mastery and ownership. ✓ Involve them in co-creating strategy or vision. Watch for: Overcommitment or burnout due to over-reliance. Say: “I’d love for you to lead this — I trust your judgment and skill.” | Coach Quietly ✓ Affirm their strengths privately and publicly. ✓ Give them low-risk opportunities to lead. ✓ Provide examples of their impact they may not see. Watch for: Impostor syndrome, reluctance to speak in groups. What people say: “I’m not ready” Say: “You already have what it takes — let’s find a space where you can try it out without pressure.” |
| Low Competence | Monitor Closely ✓ Pair with a mentor or buddy. ✓ Break tasks into steps with checkpoints. ✓ Provide scripts, models, or exemplars. Watch for: Missed details, inconsistent follow-through. What people say: “Got it!” (but no follow-through) Say: “Let’s work through the first part together — I’ll check in after Step 2 and help you course-correct if needed.” | Mentor Patiently ✓ Teach explicitly. Model tasks. Role-play scenarios. ✓ Normalize learning curve — give space to fail safely. ✓ Celebrate growth, not just outcomes. Watch for: Avoidance, anxiety, or misdirected effort. Say: “This will take time — but you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s focus on progress, not perfection.” |
Reflection Starts With Us
In the day-to-day pace of leadership, we’re often focused on how our team is reacting — who’s leaning in, who’s hesitant, who’s dragging their heels. But it’s just as important to pause and recognise where our own reactions as leaders show up most strongly.
Is it in our resistance to trying a new system?
Is it that voice in our head saying, “This won’t work for our context,” or “I’m too busy for this”?
Or that burst of enthusiasm for a new idea — followed by quiet procrastination?
We’re not immune to the same gaps we recognize in others. And asking ourselves why we hesitate can be just as important as noticing it in our teams.
Whether we’re assigning a task or facing one ourselves, the same lens applies. This isn’t about judging — it’s about being curious, and matching the right response to the human need, in others and in ourselves.in ourselves.
Leadership isn’t about having all the answers.
It’s about noticing what gets in the way, and doing something about it.
We’ve all been the confident beginner, the quiet expert, the reluctant participant, the over-eager new hire. We’ve all needed someone to say: “I see what you can do. Let me help you get there.”
So the next time a task falls flat or a team member pulls back — Pause.
Ask: “Is it confidence? Competence? Or both?” Then lead with what they need. Because when we grow both confidence and competence — in others and ourselves — we don’t just build better teams. We build braver ones.
