When did “work” get a bad name?
As summer in the northern hemisphere approaches, I’ve found myself in a number of conversations with parents of teenagers, particularly those who are recent high school graduates or home from college. A few phrases surface again and again: “He doesn’t listen to me anymore,” and “I wish she would get a job.”
They seem to point toward a shift in parenting that is different from the one I grew up with, and one I’ve recently heard described as “permissive parenting.” In this approach, parents often avoid conflict, set fewer boundaries, and sometimes give in to a child’s demands in an effort to maintain peace. Some even suggest that parents feel intimidated by their own children.
This sits in contrast to how things felt more traditional, where what parents said carried real weight. You didn’t really question it. You just accepted it. That was the world I grew up in: babysitting, mowing lawns, shoveling snow, and working forklift jobs in the summer.
What Work Taught Me
Looking back, what stands out most from that early work is not the tasks themselves, but what they required of me.
Above all, I learned how to show up.
There were days that were physically demanding. Heat that scorched, and also frozen days. Early mornings and nights that stretched longer than expected. But within that rhythm, I began to understand initiative. I learned something about discipline, and I began to connect effort with value. In that sense, work was not only about earning money. It was also about learning what it means to contribute. It makes me wonder whether handing a child a credit card, while struggling to say “no,” serves them well for what lies ahead.
The Saturday Morning That Didn’t Match the Story
And yet, things are not always as they first appear.
I was reminded of this recently when a grade 12 student surprised me at 7am on Saturday morning. Wanting to be sure I understood what I was seeing, I later checked her attendance record. On paper, she is what might be described as a “part-time” student, skipping on average a class each day. “Skipping” may not even be the right word,” given that many of these absences are excused by a parent (a topic I’ve written about before in “Breaking the Habit of Excuse”).
And yet, on this particular Saturday morning there she was! Greeting me, taking my coffee order, and working the cash register. Meanwhile, it felt reasonable to assume many of her classmates were still asleep. Curious about this contrast, I learned that her family does not struggle to make ends meet, yet both parents themselves are hard-working. It brought to mind the familiar saying about the apple and the tree. I guess I should not have been surprised.
Learning Through Everyday Responsibility
Another recent moment that is staying with me came during a dinner out. A family, two young parents and their toddler and baby dined at the table next to ours. The toddler did not have the phone of mom or dad in front of him, to hold his attention. He simply watched the room. His younger brother doing nearly the same, except for at one point crumpling a paper placemat in quiet exploration.
When the food arrived, it was not from a children’s menu. The parents cut portions and placed them in front of both children, and then simply allowed them to eat. Meanwhile they carried on their conversation. This “ritual” was not performative, rather seemingly instinctual. There was no coaxing or coddling. If the children were hungry, they would eat. It was beautiful. Unmanaged and natural.
The Lawn, the Robot, and the Missing Lessons
On another day, it seemed my neighbor and I were synched as we moved about mowing and trimming our lawns. At one point we paused in unison and exchanged niceties. I said something in regards to how he soon was likely to be unemployed from lawn duty and how his son would soon take over. He responded how he imagines a robot doing the work. Oddly enough, one of my favorite weekly bloggers, Nathan Krai, recently wrote about a robotic lawn mower. How “it maps the yard. Cuts the grass. Charges itself. Goes back out. No effort. No time required.” The post is titled, “The Trade We’re Not Talking About.” Krai compels us to consider optimization and at what costs. Talking with my neighbor, I couldn’t help but think how getting such a robot would not only be cutting grass. It would be cutting his son out of the opportunity to learn so many things. Responsibility and how regular tasks need to be completed even when they may feel repetitive. Work ethic and a connection between effort and visible results. Delayed gratification or simply the feeling of contributing to the family. And care, maintaining a lawn teaches stewardship and respect for the home. And yet, as Krai alludes to, it may not even be about the “work” but more about optimization and the need for conscious decisions as we move into the possibility of more automated tasks in the futures.
Finding Balance in Parenting and Teaching
Children grow through work, responsibility, and expectations, yet it is also true that an overly permissive approach can limit the kinds of experiences that shape them. At the same time, there is a need for balance. Knowing when to step forward, and when to step back. As a teacher of Capstone, I often feel this as a kind of quiet tension. Part Science, part Art. And yet, not always equal parts.
This year, I experienced that tension with a student I will call Kyle. From the outset, it was clear that a conventional approach would not serve him well. His previous year had been marked by disengagement and avoidance, and his attendance reflected that reality. Instead of insisting on constant structure, I stepped back more than I normally would. Over time, something shifted. Kyle began to build his own project, ultimately learning to vibecode an app that was later published to the Apple Store. It was not a straightforward process. There were misunderstandings along the way, including concerns from some that he was “cheating” by using AI. But what I observed was something different. Kyle’s engagement was sustained and he showcased the value of iteration. His persistence was evident in consistent trial and error. When he presented his work to the community, there was a clear sense of accomplishment. More importantly, there was ownership.
Three Things Worth Holding Onto
As the academic term comes to a close, I find myself returning to three simple reflections:
- Teens benefit from summer jobs.
- Robots should not be cutting our grass.
- And in both parenting and teaching, we are often called to move between stepping forward and stepping back.
And as far as “work” getting a bad name, it seems some cultures, and perhaps classes, have mistaken comfort for success. Avoiding the very effort and discomfort that build capable people.
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